I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize