don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
