Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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