It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
