dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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