dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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