My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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