The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
