Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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