my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
