I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize