Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
