I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
