You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
