Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
