i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
