the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
