he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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