Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
