Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
