I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
