You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
