you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
