So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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