I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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