Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
