I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
