Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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