The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
