you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Randomize
