when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize