my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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