I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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