I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
