Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
