I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
