I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
