I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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