I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
