You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
