I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
either way he was missing a nipple.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
