Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
