I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
