We're like a lot better than the average bears
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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