Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
