Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
