I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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