I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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