8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
