Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Randomize