Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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