I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
