I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
