would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
