There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
