My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
