i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
