You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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