My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
