Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
