You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
