Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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