I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
