if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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