did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
