Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
