So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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