we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Vodka?
Forever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
