we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
