I've blown a few things in my day
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
