the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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