So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
