i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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