OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize