Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
