I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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