hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
