I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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