You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
