Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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