dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
