I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
