Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
