just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
