My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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