I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
