Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize