Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
