You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
