I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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