I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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