Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We had to coat check the pizza.
they're like a gay fantastic four
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize