my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
