go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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