So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
