i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize