I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
