I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
