He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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