i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
