so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Randomize
